One of the absolute keys to good sex is the ability to let go, to surrender to the experience.
I'm going to speak directly to female readers here, because I find that women have more trouble in this area. Yet it’s actually more important that the woman let go for the couple to be able to reach heightened states of arousal and pleasure.
Essentially what women need to do is allow for self-indulgence.
Now there are some ‘precious princesses’ out there who are all about self-indulgence: me, me, me. I'm not talking about them. I’m talking about all those women I see in my clinic and at workshops and in the street and in the school playground, etc, who can’t allow themselves to indulge. Especially sexually. read more...
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An orgasm is good, great in fact, but it gets better than that - it gets orgasmic!
Yes, the range of orgasms and orgasmic experiences we can have is mind-blowing. If you think sex is about stimulating your genitals until you have an orgasm and then you’re done, oh boy, have you got a long way to go! And what a journey! read more...
Sexual pleasure involves so much more than just what your genitals are doing.
Engaging the senses is a crucial element to heightening sexual pleasure.
Just as the experience is more enjoyable and satisfying the more you engage the senses and make it a whole experience when you eat - think grabbing a bite to eat on the run as opposed to a sit down meal - so it is with sex. read more...
Penises love a woman’s softness. Why then, do so many women feel they need to stimulate a man so hard?
A woman is not a masturbation machine, nor is she a vacuum cleaner. Yet so many women act like this in bed with a man. read more...
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be. read more...
Sit facing each other. Cross-legged is ideal, or on straight-backed chairs if your knees aren’t so good. Be close enough that your knees are touching and you can hold hands.
Then simply gaze into each other’s eyes.
Play some luscious chilled music, and hold the gaze for one song. That’s about three minutes. read more...
There are many melting moments during quality sex.
Moments where there is a sense of melting:
I just had a week in private retreat, a time for reflection and contemplation. I was fortunate to stay in a friend’s beautiul beachside house in Sydney’s northern beaches.
It was a time to simply be rather than do, to feel rather than think.
A time to savour life.
Most of us are far too busy doing and pushing to actually be and feel what we’re doing. In life, and in sex.
Sex is not a race to the big ‘O’, it’s not a performance for the benefit of our partner, it’s a shared experience of pleasure, exquisitely felt and perfectly savoured. read more...
To awaken your body to subtlety and exquisite sensation, you need to have heightened sensitivity. This takes strong connection and deep feeling. There’s no way you’d get that level of connection and feeling through being passive. read more...
I was chatting to a good friend recently who, like many people, loves sex and loves the general topic of sex. He was musing on whether he might possibly be a sex addict given that he’s so fascinated, possibly even obsessed, by the topic. My reply was: “I hope not, because that would make me one too!”
It got me thinking, because I have done on-line “Are you a Sex Addict’ type quizzes, and according to some of them I certainly would be a sex addict because thinking about sex takes up so much of my time and sex in general plays such a big part of my life. read more...
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