So often people contact me to say that they want to come in for therapy and coaching sessions, or that they want to attend one of my workshops….but their partner doesn’t.
“How can I persuade him/her to come along?” they plead.
It’s a tricky one. You love your partner and you want to improve your sexual connection and through that your life together. You are willing to open up to in private sessions, or expose yourself to some degree in a group situation (not literally, my workshops are decidedly clothes on!), yet your partner is reluctant.
There are a number of reasons why your partner might be reluctant: read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
…the word that is, not the act.
I’m always stressing that sex is playtime for grown-ups. Sex is about sharing pleasure. That means being creative and experimental and generally having fun with the whole thing.
One element of playtime is…toys! Yes, just as kids can play with toys, so can we grown-ups. It’s fun!
Occasionally people say to me, ‘But it’s unnatural to use sex toys’. Oh for heaven’s sake, so is using a toothbrush, but I’m sure you use one every day.
In fact I doubt sex toys are ‘unnatural’ at all, I’m sure they go back as long as humans have existed. One of the outstanding features of humans is our ability to be creative and devise tools and gadgets. Phallic shaped artefacts have been found all over the world from ancient times, and while the archeologists might call them ‘objects of worship’ or similar, I’m quite sure they had a more ‘practical’ use as well… read more...
I was chatting with an attractive woman in her mid-40s at a party recently. She’d told me that after a brief disastrous marriage she hadn’t been able to successfully ‘do’ the relationship thing, as she put it, so she was fascinated to hear about my work and life.
After a while she got a puzzled look on her face and asked hesitantly: “Do you two talk about your sex life?”
“Why, yes, of course we do,” I replied. read more...
A clitoral orgasm is a very fine thing. It can leave you drained though.
If you approach clitoral orgasm like a male ejaculatory orgasm, then it becomes about a build-up of localised sensation leading to an explosive orgasm where you feel an outward burst of energy. Momentarily pleasurable, but often flat afterwards, and you’re generally not able to continue lovemaking afterwards (whether alone or with a partner). You feel kind of, well, done.
A far better way to approach clitoral orgasm is the slow build, allowing arousal to rise and fall, losing yourself in the pleasure of the sensation moment by moment. Then when the orgasm arrives, you open to it and fall into it. There is no tension, there is no grasping for the orgasm, and there is no sense of forcing it. It’s a welling up and releasing. And that releasing feels more than just genital, as though your whole body is washed with warmth and pleasure.
“Batten down the hatches! Prepare for penetration!!”
It’s not exactly how a woman wants to feel when in the throes of sexual pleasure.
For maximum pleasure we need to be accepting and welcoming, not tensing and preparing for combat. Yet the language we use around sex, encourages the latter not the former. read more...
Well guys, I’d be lying if I said size didn’t matter at all. The good news is that how you use it is much more important than how big it is. read more...
If you want to spice up your sex life, it’s got to be real. There’s no point faking it. That would be like putting fake spices into a curry - it might look good, but if it tastes terrible there’s no point. If you fake sexual pleasure you’re deceiving your partner and you’ll end up frustrated and resentful. read more...
Take a group of couples who love each other, put them in a beautiful environment with no distractions, teach them to connect more deeply, inspire them to explore and play, and what do you get…?
Well, as one man who attended my Bali retreat put it:
"I thought this retreat would expand our sex life, but it didn’t so much expand as turn our sex life upside down! I’m now seeing the world with a new, exciting, slightly bewildering light.” read more...
- Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
- On Being A Human in a Female Body
- Q&A: How We Connect After So Much Stress?
- Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine
- Q&A: My Husband Is Having An Affair and I'm Relieved
- Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex
- Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?
- Intercourse as Foreplay
- Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex
- Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex
- Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?
- How Has Sex Helped You Grow - Research Participants Wanted!
- Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage?
- Optimal Sexuality - Reaching Your Sexual Potential
- Q&A: How Do I Get My Mojo Back?
to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!