I was watching a video of 2Cellos playing recently. So erotic! So voyeuristic - like watching them have sex with their instruments.
I have always
found the cello to be a particularly erotic instrument - the size of it and the way it’s held is so lover-like. But I find the interaction between any
musician and instrument sexual - whether it be a tiny piccolo or an enormous harp, tuba or marimba (if you don’t know what a marimba is, look it up, it’s
like a huge xylophone, and I once saw the most amazing marimba performance - the musician was all over his instrument - glorious!).
It goes way beyond technique, which is important, but what makes music glorious is the connection. It’s the way the musician takes their instrument and
controls it utterly, yet is in exquisite unison with the instrument. The musician lets him or herself go to the instrument and the music they are co-creating,
there is a perfect merging.
The better the merging, the more complete the unison, the more sublime the music. Whatever the type of music is being played, whether it’s sweet sonatas
or heavy metal.
Sensual, tantric play heightens pleasure and so can kinky play. Put the two together and you go places - to Sub-Space and Dom-Space.
Playing with dominance and submission is about playing with the yin and yang of sexuality. When done with extreme connection and respect it is a beautiful
Many people have concerns about dominance and submission because it harks back to the bad old days when women had no choice but to
be submissive to men, in all areas of life. As I’ve explained in my previous blog articles (see A History of Sexual Misinformation), the imbalance between the masculine and feminine in society led to a servile feminine sexuality serving an
overly dominant masculine sexuality. True Dominant-Submissive play requires a meeting of equals, there’s no servility required (at least, not on the
Sub’s part, you could argue that in fact it’s the Dom(me) who is serving the Sub).
What we’re really talking about is ‘command’ and ‘receptivity’. It is not gender-related, a woman can be a Domme as much as a man can be a Dom, and
plenty of people are Switches, that is, they like to take both roles. Although most people will have an erotic preference, that is,... read more
I consider myself sexually monogamous, but sensually non-monogamous.
What I mean by that is that I keep my genitals to myself and my partner. For me that’s ‘sacred zone’ just for us. I have no desire to share that part
of myself with anyone else.
But there’s so much more available to share and enjoy with others when you go beyond the genitals. As I say so often, sexuality is so much more than
engaging our nether regions.
I have been called a sexual energy slut, and it’s probably true. I love to bathe in the sexual energy of others.
It gets quite Sapphic with women - holding the gaze while feeling the flow of energy between us; touching their soft skin so lightly; the gentle brush
of feminine lip on lip… There is a sense of suffusion of feeling that then gathers more obviously into a sublime flow of sexual energy within
With men the energy is different, stronger. I tend to feel it more directly in the lower chakras, from there it rises and diffuses throughout my body.
The touch of a man, energetically or physically is masculine, and feeds my femininity.
Have you ever tried having sex without any intention to orgasm? Without even moving?
Try it, in fact try it regularly – just lie together, penis inside vagina, and do nothing.
Not much to it really.
For genitals more used to intensity and vigour, you might not feel much at first as you’ve trained yourself to need intensity to feel sensation.
Yet over time you will start to wake your genitals up. The vagina and the penis will start to feel again. They’ll start to feel subtlety, and from
there comes exquisiteness of sensation.
It’s lovely to do this in spoon position, lying on your sides with her back to his front. He embraces her body with his body on the outside, and she
embraces his penis with her vagina on the inside. Or you can do it lying facing each other, gazing softly into each others eyes as you do so.
You can both squeeze your pelvic floor muscles now and again to keep the erection, but move as little as possible. Not that you even need an erection
for this, soft entry can be just as lovely.
It’s hard to describe how wonderful it has been to spend that amount of time with ten couples all committed to deepening their connection and creating
more beautiful and gorgeous sexual relating.
The venue was perfect, the food was amazing. We had our own private villa looking out over rice paddies and bamboo groves. With evocative music, the atmosphere
was potent and moving. Everyone loved it.
As one participant said: “You don’t ‘instruct’, rather you entice us into the most beautiful space of lushness.”
I don’t think she could have given me a greater compliment!
To inspire you a touch more, here’s what one of the other participants reported:
"We want to thank you so very much for the most wonderful week in paradise, both literally and metaphorically. Having been to your workshops previously we knew for sure that we were in for a week of lusciousness, but our week with you in Bali was more gloriously luscious and inspiring than we could have imagined.
I love Tantra and I love elements of kink. The two combined are what I call Sensual Kink, and I don't think it gets much better than that. So with the current interest in kink
that's been generated by the overwhelming popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, I thought I might share my thoughts.
To me, Tantra and Kink are at one end of a spectrum; and the alcohol-fueled model of sex, along with porn and raunch culture, are at the other.
The former are about depth and connection, resulting in ecstatic and altered states of consciousness; and the latter is about superficiality and a performance-style
sexuality that has little if any positive outcome from what I can see.
I know my kinky side has been there since I was a five-year old getting turned on by a cartoon of Donald Duck pegging his nephews by their tails to a rotating
clothes-line and spanking their bottoms as it turned. I didn’t even know what that feeling was, but it’s etched into my memory. You could also claim
that my years of martial arts training, spending hour upon hour being belted into the floor and feeling elated from it, was a form of
sadomasochism. But I didn’t truly discover my kinky side until I... read more
So much of my work revolves around enabling people to come together with real intimacy. I’m blessed to be able to see this in private sessions and in the
workshops and retreats that I run. Seeing couples sharing their love and intimacy so beautifully is an awe-inspiring experience, but it’s also sadly
rare in our society.
It’s not that smooth and easy for all couples though. For very many people intimacy is bewildering and perplexing, and it’s very often extraordinarily
confronting to ‘meet’ each other in this way. The barriers have to come down. You have to meet each other with deep, calm, slow tenderness. There needs
to be a slow dissolving of the edges. The woman needs to get a place where she can welcome her man into her, invite him to enter. That entering is a place
of beauty and relaxation and letting go for the man. She needs to be able to allow that. He needs to be able to hold her so well that she can get to that
place, so that he can enter her and the entering becomes a coming together, a merging into unity.
When a couple come together in this way, they are exploring the exquisiteness of the “valleys” of sex -... read more
is one of Australia’s foremost authorities on sex and relationships. Highly-qualified and with thousands of hours of experience Jacqueline
is a Sex Geek - unabashedly fascinated by sex, love and intimacy in all its aspects from the biological to the psychological to the spiritual.
Let her help you have the love life you’ve always wanted.
Jacqueline Hellyer Love to Live Pty Ltd
ABN: 50 223 819 352
The LoveLife Clinic 3/758 Darling Street
Rozelle NSW 2039
phone: 0418 505620
to LoveLife News for regular
inspiration on sex, love and intimacy.