Download Audio: Reluctance Is Not Frigidity, It’s Body Awareness - She’s Not Ready!
I had a male client complain to me recently that after five years he still couldn’t get his girlfriend to want or enjoy sex. He said he’d tried everything - even anal sex and fisting, and she still wasn’t interested…
Oh boy, I think this guy was confusing sex with a porn shoot.
The poor girlfriend wasn’t frigid, she just wasn’t ready! Fortunately, she was trusting her body and saying no, rather than going ahead and traumatizing herself.
I see so many women who have forced themselves to have sex when they weren’t ready (and by the way, if your sexual activity includes anal sex and fisting, she needs to be very very ready). They’ve been subjecting themselves to constant low level sexual trauma, and over time they’ve come to hate sex.
In some cases, women have subjected themselves to high level trauma. Some of the things women get up to without truly wanting to are extraordinary - if they were getting paid for doing stuff they don’t want to it might make some sense, but they do it for free!
As I’ve explained elsewhere, a woman’s body opens in stages. You can’t go barrelling down to the genitals. In fact, you can’t go barrelling into a kiss if she’s not ready.
If you go too far too fast her body isn’t ready. So, if she’s saying ‘no’, it means ‘no’.
Chances are it means: ‘I’m not ready for that yet'.
If this is you, this means you need to tune into your body and check where you’re at and what you’re ready to do. Then let your partner know.
(This applies to guys too if their partner is going too fast for them, and half the couples I see the man has the lower desire, so it’s very common. The only real difference is that a man generally can’t force himself to have sex if he’s not up to it - literally!)
There are no rules with sex, and you don’t have to proceed at a certain pace or in a certain order. You’ve got to treat sex like a picnic rather than a three-course meal. All you have to do is what’s right for you at that particular moment.
Now for some women, there are additional barriers:
If there are these mental or emotional barriers in place, then all the more reason to proceed with care as it will take even more attentiveness for her to become ready. If as the woman or her partner you don’t feel up to that challenge, then seeing someone like me can help shift beliefs around sex and allow a woman to blossom into the fullness of her sexuality.
It can't be forced. If you want a bud to bloom, you can’t coerce it, or you’ll end up with a broken flower.
Guys, to learn about how to be the kind of lover that knows how to bring out the best in your partner so there is no reluctance, I recommend you do my online program for men - Black Belt in the Bedroom.
And women, to know who you are and what you want and be able to express that, I recommend you do my online course for women - Luscious Woman.
Once you’ve developed these skills and self-awareness, reluctance and ‘frigidity’ will be a thing of the past!
Explore Jacqueline’s online courses and choose the pathway that speaks to where you are now.
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