Download Audio: Getting to Sex can be like Getting to the Gym
I see a lot of couples who like sex, but somehow they're just not getting around to it.
The higher-desire person is perplexed as to why the lower-desire person doesn’t want sex more often, especially when both parties clearly enjoy it once they actually get around to doing it. And the lower-desire person is confused as to why they find it so hard to have sex when it’s generally not so bad, even brilliant, when they actually do get around to doing it.
And sometimes it's not that there's a higher and lower desire person, they'd both like the idea of it, but it's not happening...
I point out to them that having sex can often be like getting to the gym – you know it’s good for you, you know you’ll enjoy it while you’re there, you know you’ll feel better for doing it, but …it’s still hard to get there in the first place!
There are two principal reasons why it can be a struggle to get to the gym, or to have sex, even though you want to:
When you’ve got so much on, and life has become a constant juggling of priorities, it can be hard to set everything aside so that you can focus on sex, without the distraction of all the other things you could be doing. And then again you might just be too tired because you've got so much on.
Couples need to realise that for a lot of people, sex does get like this. It’s not that they don’t like it or don’t want to do it, it’s just hard to create the time and space to do it in.
If this is you: just as if you want to go to the gym, you have to set up support systems in your life that allow you to create the time and space for sex.
The other reason is simply a habit of laziness. Some people just can’t be bothered getting out of their comfort zone, turning off the TV and heading out the door to the gym or up the stairs to the bedroom.
If this is you: get off your butt and into the bedroom – before you get too tired to move!
Note: Of course, these are just a couple of reasons why people don’t have sex, but it’s common enough to rate a special mention. It could be you, or your partner, or both of you - so understand, and then make the changes!
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Jacqueline's regular column on Substack
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