Download Audio: Your Relationship is Like a Tripod: It Needs Three Strong Legs
When I sit with couples in session, I often find myself using metaphors to help them grasp complex dynamics in simple, relatable ways. One of my favourites — and one that never fails to click — is this:
A good relationship is like a tripod.
You know, one of those three-legged camera stands? It’s simple physics: three legs create stability. If one leg is weak or missing, the whole thing wobbles — or collapses altogether. It’s the same in love.
So what are the three essential legs that keep a relationship standing strong?
1. You are Teammates in the Game of Life
This is the logistical leg — the realm of doing life together.
You’re partners in the practical: managing the household, raising kids, juggling careers, navigating the never-ending admin of adult life. When this leg is strong, there’s a sense of capability and mutual respect. You’ve got each other’s backs. Things get done. You feel appreciated and aligned.
When this leg is weak, couples often feel overwhelmed, unacknowledged, or out of sync. The load feels heavy — and unevenly carried.
2. You are Friends
This is the emotional leg — the realm of connection and companionship.
You don’t just love each other — you like each other. You enjoy each other’s company. You laugh, you talk, you share stories, silly moments, the ups and downs. There’s a genuine fondness that goes beyond romance or obligation.
(So many couples tell me they’re still “in love,” but I look at them and think: “Maybe… but do you actually like each other?”)
Strong friendship in a relationship brings warmth, trust, and emotional ease. Without it? Things can feel dry, distant, or transactional.
3. You are Lovers
This is the erotic leg — the realm of passion and intimacy.
You’re not just roommates who happen to share a bed. You’re lovers. And being lovers isn’t only about sex — it’s about sharing a sensual, loving energy that’s alive, embodied, and vital. It's about being open to each other erotically, not necessarily always doing, but being available for that energy to flow.
This leg is about sexual polarity, playfulness, and pleasure. It’s about that potent energy that lifts your connection out of the mundane and reminds you that love can be electric.
When this leg falters — and it often does in long-term relationships — couples can feel more like co-parents or flatmates. The spark fizzles. And often, they don’t know how to get it back.
So… how’s your tripod?
It’s such a useful check-in. If something feels off in your relationship, consider this: Which leg is wobbling? Are you functioning well as teammates? Are you enjoying each other as friends? Are you alive together as lovers?
You don’t need to be perfect in all areas all the time — but if one leg is shaky, it’s time to pay attention. Because when all three are solid, you get that beautiful, stable, flourishing relationship that feels deeply safe and vibrantly alive.
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